I Need Some Help With My Parents,?

this is a long one, so bear with me…
ok i am 17 yrs old and my parents r divorced…ive always lived with my mom in iowa and my dad lives in wisconsin. well i am going to graduate highschool here in a year and i am thinking about moving in with my dad..i want to go to a community college and get my easy classes out of the way…my dad is a GM of an olive garden and could get me an easy job as well as discounts on bookstores and colleges..
well my mom is hurt by it and says if i live with my dad i will end up running a restaurant all my life and never do anything, but my mom is 40 and she just graduated college as a LPN..financially i am better off with my mom, but for some reason i am closer to living with my dad. my mom and dad are always against eachother and it seems if i ever live with my dad my mom would disown me or if i bring up living with him then she gets pissed at me…i think she is very controlling and thats why i tolerate my mom, but then again she has helped me so much with school…
they’ve been divorced for 16 years of my life and i dont know how to handle this situation, i love both my parents very much but i always have to choose, there’s np happy middle.. i really want to live with my dad because i have never done it before longer than a month…i feel like he has missed out so much of my life that i want to make it up
what’s some good advice? i dont want to choose but if i feel i do i will be disowned by my mom and i dont want that..

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  1. Stephanie F says:

    I would let your mother know that you love her and you will still be in contact and that it is NOT about her. You have two parents who you love. No one is perfect and both are still precious to you in one way or another. She should respect that. She should see that you need your Dad too. It doesn’t mean that he is better than her or vice verse. It doesn’t mean you love him more than her. It means you love them both and want to spend time with them both and you feel you need to be with your Dad right now to learn different things than what she can teach you. How does your Dad feel about it? It isn’t right that either of them badmouth the other in front of you either. Tell them both that you love them and you love the other parent and you wish they could just not badmouth the other as it makes you feel like you are in the middle and have to choose. Tell her you feel he has missed out on a lot of our life.
    Tell her what you told us about the school and job. Tell her that no matter what you do with your life, you will be the best you can be with whatever you do. Tell her that you could start out that way, but go another way. She should be proud of you in whatever career you decide to do.
    I worked at Noble Romans while I went to school. I am in the medical field. God knows what he wants for your life and you have to experience life for yourself too.
    Make sure she knows you love her, no matter what, even when you are angry at her. It is a difficult adjustment to make for her. Tell her she has taught you many things you plan on taking with you to carry out, like the values, morals, etc.
    Pray about it before you speak to her and best wishes to you.

  2. If your mom really loves you she’ll get over it and understand eventually. Make sure you visit her often if you live with your dad though.

  3. Live with your Dad. Your mum should realise that he is your father and you should be able to live with him if you want to.

  4. Kill them both

  5. A cripled CAMEL says:

    you cant please everyone

  6. Look if you want to live with your dad go live with your dad. It’s true that your mom will get mad but sometime she’s going to have to learn that you are getting older and that it’s not going to always be her way. I’m pretty sure your mom isn’t going to disown you because if she cares enough for you that she wants you to stay with her she will still care and love you if you decide to leave. Good luck.

  7. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your mom. Tell her first off that you love you and will always love her. Tell her that your love for her will never change even if you move away to go to college. Tell her what you’d like to do. Keep reminding her that your love for her will never change and that you guys can call each other often and email and Instant Message and even get a web-cam set up so you guys can see each other when you speak to each other.
    If you want to go into your dad’s restaurant business then that’s your decision. If you aren’t interested in that, just let you mom know that you haven’t really decided what you want to do as a career yet. You’ll know better after some college is under your belt. Best of luck to you.

  8. you owe your dad nothing first of all. there is probably a reason or two why your mother feels the way she does. she may be controlling but again there is probably a reason for it, other than she being selfish. you made a statement, how she has helped you thru out school. for her to put so much work and effort to get you thru high school and then you leave her to be with your dad so he can “finish the job”. she my feel robbed if you leave.your mother sees that you are still young and still widely influenced. she wants to make sure you succeed. i understand the reasons wanting to live with your dad. independence and change, to name a few. one other thing, let me guess, your mother is a person of structure and your dad is the more laid back.
    i say stay with your mom.

  9. You may wish to have a calm conversation with your mother, tell her you would like to try living with your dad for one school term so that you can get to know him better.
    You might also tell her that living with him will not change your feelings toward her, you will always be grateful for the care she has given you. Explain to her that you are not choosing dad over her, its just your need to know your father.
    Maybe that will keep things peaceful. Kids of divorce are always the ones that get hurt.

  10. Show your mom this question. You brought up some very good points for what to do after high school as well as how much you love and respect your mom. This should be a good opening for a long conversation between the two of you about planning your future and including your father. Your mom has done the hard part of raising you and giving you values, so now would be a good time for your dad to spend some time with you in sorting out the college classes and part time employment. Oh, and what’s so wrong with running a restaurant?? It sounds like honest, worthwhile employment to me. I love Olive Garden!

  11. you should tell your mom that u want to try it just for college and if u dont like it you will come back and live with her. idk if uve told her its nothing personal but moms forgive. i think you should go try living with your dad to see what its like since hes missed soo much of your life. your mom should eventually understand. plus ull be graduated and you should make ur decisions based on what u want. not what other people want. but you should just do what you think will help you the most noo matter how it makes your mom feel…im sure she loves u soo shell get over it eventually. especially if u have a good relationship.

  12. the best thing you can do is be totally honest with both of your parents, especially your mom. sit down with her and tell her that you dont want to move in with your dad because you dont like her anymore. tell her how much she has helped you throughout your life. Try not to speak harsh or get mad at all. kill her with kindness and that will make it harder for her to get upset. But don’t let her make the decision for you. this is a big one that is going to effect you for the rest of your life so do what you think is best. good luck, hope this helps,.

  13. Tough break kid. I know personally the sting of constantly having to make decisions between each parent. Here is some real advice, from a person who a good decade or so more under her belt dealing with ‘divorced parents’.
    The truth is you will deal with situations like these for the rest of your life. It’s not a death sentence unless you make it one. Your mom loves you more than words can probably describe however she is not thinking about your feelings at all. She loves you, and in her mind the relationship with your father is over, so she most likely wishes he weren’t in the picture. But he is, and being angry or annoyed at his presence in your life is not your fault, nor your concern. It is an issue that she needs to deal with and come to terms with.
    You cannot spend the rest of your life trying to please your parents in this aspect of your life. You should please them by being a good person and achieving your goals. The choice needs to be yours. If you think that living with your father will help you better get to know him, and give you a different and new opportunity I encourage you to at least seriously consider it. You need to do what’s best for you and your future.
    This is a time where you are maturing into an adult, you will start an adult life very soon. That means responsibility for your actions, and a lot of new changes for your mom and your relationship. It’s only going to get harder and more complicated from here. What happens when you meet a significant other, and now there is another set of parents (in laws) to work and deal with. What would Christmases, graduations, birth of grandchildren be like if your mom was ‘always pissed’ that your dad was around? Think about it. It wasn’t your decision for them to separate, but unfair as it may be you will be the one to be responsible for dealing with the lifelong repercussions as their child.
    Do what is right for you, and what you feel is best. Tell your mother that as much as you love her, you would appreciate if she could understand that you have a right to your father, no matter how difficult and hurt she was by their marriage/relationship. Just because your father ceased to be her partner doesn’t mean he ceases to be in your life too. Unfortunately that is a circumstance of divorce. Good Luck!

  14. It is perfectly understandable why you want to live with your father. This would give you a chance to grow into your independence as well as get to know your father. Your mother will never disown you, she may be mad and really upset for a while, but she’d never disown you for going away to college. Show your mother that you appreciate everything that she has done for you and show her that you are serious about going to college and finishing to pursue a career outside the restaurant. You should never have to choose between them and if they ever made you feel like you did, they should be ashamed of themselves. It’s their divorce, not yours and it’s been 16 years. The hatchet should be buried. You deserve a chance to know your father on a personal basis and your mom should be willing to support that. When you graduate you are will be an adult and are entitled to your own decisions. Let her know your love and respect for her will always be there, but you just need to experience the other side of you.